My Spirit Animal

Last week, I was assigned to find my spirit animal.

I took the task seriously in the week leading up to this post. Working hard to find the beast that guides me became my number one priority.

A shaman named Craig invited me to his sweat lodge for three days. He had learned about shamanism from a Native American gentleman that he worked construction with. The lodge was hot, smelly, and quite boring. I was naked with a guy named Shaman Craig. No spirit animal appeared, and I left feeling dizzy.

Sweat lodge.

Tibet was my next stop, figuring that I could learn from the monks, and get some kind cool Eastern animal to be my guardian. The monks put me to work for a month. My mind became so clear that all semblance of a spirit animal seemed unimportant.  My project is due in a week, so I left Tibet, and headed for South America.

I might be somewhere in this crowd.

On the outskirts of Brazil there is a forest. In this forest, there are various natural psychedelic drugs that should definitely bring about my spirit animal. Unfortunately the drugs did not work. I stayed high for three weeks, joined a tribe, and was caught wandering the tree line with blowgun in hand while screaming obscenities at two zombies that I had raised from the dead.

I spent 29 days in a Brazilian drug rehabilitation facility after that ordeal. I rushed back to the States to continue my search, because I only have a week to get the assignment done.

The time I joined a tribe and raised the dead to do my bidding.

                                                                                                   

 None of the above actually happened, I just could not find my spirit animal. So I thought on it until I had an epiphany.

“Internet Spirit Animal Quizzes” I thought.

The Internet has accumulated the essence and knowledge of most known cultures. There is no way any quiz I took, would be less than accurate, or unreliable in any way.

My spirit animal is the CROW.

Baby crows are pretty damn cute.

CAW.

I visited some web sites to read up on the symbolism of the crow, and can testify that the Internet was right about my spirit animal. I am proud to become one with the crow and relate to a lot of the symbolism it stands for.

CAW!

Crows are close friends with Death. They seem to congregate before and after Death appear. They speak with the taker of souls. I can relate little with this, but it sounds cool.

"Hey Death, it is you best bud, caw".

CAW.

The crow is a bringer of wisdom. When one aligns with the crow, they are instilled with the wisdom to trust their intuition.

If one has the crow as their spirit animal, they must be willing to walk their walk, and speak their truth.

It seems that I have been aligned with the crow longer than I have known.

CAW.

The crow is here to teach me to be mindful about judging others, to speak the truth, and to keep my personal integrity.

Crow is fearless, audacious, intelligent, adaptive, and a mischievous joker. I can relate.

Crows love Hitchcock and I do too.

CAW.

Native Americans believe crows are the keepers of the Sacred Law; the ancient magic, wisdom, and divination of our world. Crows help to let those chosen, to see between the magical spirit world, and our physical world.

Murder of crows.

CAW.

I wholeheartedly accept the crow as my spirit animal, because the information I have collected seems to match with my personality. I joke, speak my truth, do my best to respect others, and am a magical wizard. The crow will forever be my spirit animal and guide.

America.

CAW!